Archive for the 'weight loss' Category


Artery Artillery

So, I downloaded a new app (Noom) to try out this healthy lifestyle thing, and to possibly lose a bit of weight, like. I walked about for like three hours doing mostly grocery shopping, and I gained like a ga-zillion steps on the pedometer that comes with the app. And when I got home, I had a totally healthy salad for late lunch/early dinner today, which I couldn’t even finish. And I almost kind of enjoyed it. Sooooo I figured I was up for some gratification.

Coffee-chocolate cake and white chocolate-coffee muffins

My arteries aren’t going to know what hit them.

I barely survived making those, I’m not sure I can actually eat any of that. So… If you’re working tomorrow, and you’re working where I’m working, you’re in for a treat.

Chocolate. Sugar. Butter. Coffee.

I’m not quite sure what I did! With the cake, I was going roughly the same way as with the Sinfest cake from before, except I used gluten-free flour, and the topping is just melted chocolate, margarine and loads and loads of powdered sugar. By the time I was hanging out with the muffins, I was pretty much just throwing stuff in. Main ingredients were melted butter and coffee. I added white chocolate chips to the individual muffins, but they simply melted and turned the insides into delicious goo. Clearly, the recipe still needs some tweaking…

The topping is simply powdered sugar, water, red food colour and essence of lemon. Yum! I almost served the muffins raw, but it turns out the white chocolate chips were the reason the insides never hardened properly. Somehow, with added oven time, the whole muffins ended up tasting like lemon, and the topping also tasted like coffee. It was weird, but in a pleasant way. Lemon Surprise! Next time, possibly I’ll have a go without the white chocolate.

I think I’ll have that heart attack now.

Bonus! Check out the cake goodness from our housewarming party:


I can only take credit from the bunny cake and the cat cake (the Significant Otter’s and my birthday cakes, respectively), Senja and Tommi made that beyond-awesome octopus cake with licorice boat victims.


A Personal Tale of Weight Loss

That’s right, Ladies and Gents! It is time for another one of those endless tales of battle between gain and loss, of good and evil! Unlike for many, this is hardly a battle of epic proportions, although it is an age-old comic tragedy – or tragic comedy, as you please! It is, once more, a time to wail and bemoan the weight of a woman; the fate of the overweight. I warn you though, this is gruesome and brutal, so those of weak constitution for poor poetry are excused from the audience… And now, let us please your appetites, let us let loose the morbid tale of Laura’s Eternal Struggle!

‘Tis a tale of the peoples obese
who eternally battle the weight
of the weight, ne’er to cease:
the woe do them ever frustrate.

‘Tis a tell, I do confess,
which is never far removed
from most people’s address
of how they can e’er be improved.

Now I bring to your eyes,
your ears, the story of a maid
who herself daily did chastise
endlessly she was dismayed:

”Fat, fat, fat and ugly!” She cried,
”how can anyone love what I so
despise?” She’s sit on her bedside
and feel e’ver so mellow.

Many were men to offer advice:
”Eat less, move more! Get out
and about! Early to bed, early to rise!”
And other such things they would shout.

”Once your depression heals,”
the lady therapist sagely inferred,
”Your weight, it like so peels
sunburn off your body, undeterred.”

Some would swear ‘pon Vitamin Ds
and exercise, and willpower and zen.
(Strange how apparently the keys
are like to sadness and weight again!)

She met a nutrition expert whose
solution to her bodily war
was cleverest: ”In order to lose,
you should eat more, by far.”

Truth to be told she was not so
attracted to the idea of eating,
for her appetite was mighty low
and legal tender e’ver fleeting.

But she tried and spent frail
cash on eating well for a week
or two, or three. And it was a fail,
mostly due to her finances weak.

So she ever mopes on her bedstead
and bemoans and rests, weary
in body and soul, always shred
of self-love, her future bleary.

To this day this tragic wench
only eats enough for survival.
She waits for the woe to quench
or for the appetite’s revival.

And so, to introduce the end,
finally, for our weary legend:
there is no moral, no intend
to provide a happy ascend.

Whether a lady or a gent, have a heart:
all obese are not lazy, wretched or vile
This feeble theme I willingly part:
Make room, they’re only here for a while.

Terrible epic poetry by yours truly. Here’s a hint for the inspiration:


This Healthy Torment

I’m sure the few friends I talk to on a regular basis are already sick of hearing about this new diet I’m on. I’m trying to eat according to the recommendations by the nutritional therapist I saw some time ago. My main gripe is with the ridiculous idea of eating five meals a day. Five meals! Nobody does that. Nobody but people who live in institutions where someone else does the cooking and the schedules, anyway…

Most days I get to late evening  — 9, 10 PM or so — until I realise that, oh shit, I’m supposed to have two more meals today (or, just as often, three)! The problem related to this whole eating every few hours thing is that I’m used to eating about a half of the amount I’m supposed to, according to the recommendations. So, I eat a healthy breakfast, and, few hours later, I eat a nutritional lunch* with all the bells and whistles… and that’s me for the day. Sure, I might be up for a cup of tea later on, but not a “snack break” and “dinner” and “evening snack”. It’s madness, I tell you.

And the cost! I’ve been trying this diet only since Wednesday (that’s five days, now), and I think I’ve eaten at least two weeks’ groceries worth, which means I’ve spent at least two weeks’ groceries worth… in five days. And I’ve been cheating. I haven’t been able to eat nearly as many veggies as I’m supposed to, and entire Wednesday was paid for by someone else (Oh yes, thank you Iz and the Karlsson clan <3!), and I’ve had lots of ice cream and a binge session with sweets. I’m going to have to stop using money on anything else if I’m going to keep this up…

I wouldn’t really care, but I went to see the nutrition lady for a reason. I honestly don’t care if I’m malnutriotioned (I survived this far), but the whole idea is that I’m trying to lose weight. Yes. By eating more. Feel free to throw bricks at me now. (I’ll explain the science of it under the cut, for those of you who are interested.)

All this eating has caused me an almost non-stop tummyache (and no wonder), and I can’t sleep! I think my… inner machine thing… is working overtime to figure out what to do with all this food, and as a result I’m dead tired. And I can’t sleep. Sleeping pills did no good. On a positive note, when I was finally exhausted enough to sleep, my brain was so wired that I got not only the usual action movie dreams, but also the making of and blooper reels!

I’m not even kidding. :D

Aside from eating… And eating… And eating… my other big obstacle is sugar. Oh, the blessed, wonderful sweet stuff. I know from experience that I’ll actually feel healthier if I avoid sugar and starches, but the addiction is so hard to kick. It was far easier to quit smoking than it is for me to quit sugar! I get awfully cranky and unhappy and fidgety when I get the urge for the sweet stuff — it’s doing my head in. I’m stuffed to the brim with my, uh, midnight dinner, but I’m still having to glue my butt to the seat to keep from raiding the kitchen for something sweet to nibble on. Sure, we could discuss the benefits of moderation in everything. But we won’t, because moderation sucks.

And I love sugar.

Continue reading ‘This Healthy Torment’

Heard it through the grapevine:

It Has Been Written:

July 2019
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And guess what!

Give me all your money: