22
Sep
11

The Future Is Bleak

There are many things I would like to write about. I have a dozen unfinished posts on my computer but lately its felt too much of a task to sit down and to ‘really’ write. So I’ve been taking a break from writing altogether – not just blogging. Somewhere along the way I’ve started thinking I can’t express an opinion (on the blog, that is) that isn’t thoroughly researched and looked at from all possible angles, well-written and well-edited. Sounds familiar? Welcome to the perfectionist club.

Various people keep telling me I need to focus on just one thing. Focus, specialise, narrow down! In fact, the whole society is telling me to focus, specialise, narrow down and – above all – keep moving forward in a straight line. Produce. Results. Get in the damn box!

Well, I don’t like the box. I believe the world needs mediators; people who can bridge the gaps between boxes. But I should focus: I need to finish my silly thesis and graduate and go to work and earn money… But wait! I don’t want to work for money. I want to work for something bigger: I want to work on something that inspires and motivates and challenges me; something that makes me grow as a person and expands my skills and knowledge and horizons. I want to make a difference, I want to feel what I do is important and believe that someone somewhere is a little better off because of the work I have done.

Why, oh why oh why did I decide I want to work in the “art” field?

I think, among telemarketers and radio personalities, people working in various fields of media will be among the first people to starve to death when the world falls into chaos and civilisation as we know it breaks apart. We’re useless. And worse yet, artists! Painters and sculptors and, gods forbid, CGI artists are a narcissist bunch of selfish people who think they can earn the right to exist by making pretty pictures. Or not so pretty, since ‘art’ is hard to define.

Am I battling an existential crisis? Absolutely. Am I constantly second-guessing myself? Hell yes. Am I painting pictures of anguish and uselessness and future devoid of future? Guilty as charged.

I wish I hadn’t been so certain of what I want to do when I grow up,while I was still growing up instead of spreading out. Why didn’t I decide to study to be a doctor or a scientist or a researcher or even a teacher? As I’m writing this, I’m starting to think that to be an artist – a good artist – one also needs to be self ascertain and more than a little narcissist. Being an artist requires insane amounts of raw belief! Personally, because of the recent exhibition cost money and paid nothing back brought me to a financial dump, which forced me to spend the rest of the month a mum’s so I can eat, the lack of affirmation is instilling serious doubts to my right of claim to the title of an artist. TL;DR: no one wants my art, therefore am broke, ergo my art sucks.

Well, this was depressing. Sorry.

PS: My website is finally reasonably presentable.

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4 Responses to “The Future Is Bleak”


  1. September 23, 2011 at 6:09 pm

    I found a frame for one of your pictures. Now it’s proudly on display in my house :)

  2. September 25, 2011 at 11:10 pm

    Well.. I suppose these are toughts that every artist struggles with, we are sensitive folk.

    To me art has always been sense of exchanging feelings, the pictures themself mean nothing.
    All that matters in art is does it MOVE you or not..
    Therefore, if I don`t feel the artwork that I`m doing it will come out as such. Crap. Everything else is just cream on the top. IMO.

    Thats the single thing why I love art, I can FEEL it and love it, art for the arts sake.
    In my “professional” work, the client pays for my expertise and it has nothing to do with art. Its shallow shit, I don`t feel it, nor it comes out as it should to others.

    Do you need to ne narcissist to be good artist? I do agree.
    I think when in doubt of yourself you must take the blow and improve.
    There is only one way in life, foward.

    Here is motivational song you probably know, haha!
    I love it, because it somehow summarizes succesful artists attitude&life.. : =

    I`m gonna live and do art my way. I don`t give a shit what other people thinks. : )
    IF!! someone is moved by my art.. I feel happy for them, but it was never done for them. I did it to feel something.

    – Ötökkä.

    • September 26, 2011 at 6:37 pm

      Ötökkä, I agree with you on every count — I make my art based on emotion and inspiration rather than try to please someone else’s aesthetic sense. I acknowledge that I also have to have a commercial job to make a living. But… Since I’m using my free time for the art anyway, I do kind of wish I could fulfil my idealistic desires on the period I have to be a responsible member of the society. Since most of what I know (apart from the 3D) is self-taught anyway, I might as well have studied something “useful”.

      (Of course, if I had, I wouldn’t have met Krista or Jouni or you, etc.!)

      At the same time, I feel I constantly need to defend my desire and dedication to the making of art: most people consider it a bit of a waste of time or say things like “it doesn’t pay your bills”. The sensible part of me agrees, and there are many things I could be doing instead. But at the same time I believe in the necessity of art in general and I consider creativity probably the most important character trait in terms of innovation and, well, making things work. I also think creative people have an uncurbable _drive_ to create; without it, nothing makes sense. And at the same time – as an artist – I crave acknowledgement and kind of verification for my work (my existence).

      I’m one of those stupid people who do what they want regardless of what the others expect. Why else would I paint pink tentacles and glue keys to my paintings? Heh.


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